Road Trip, Day 2

I was wide awake Saturday morning at 7 a.m. after only about 5 hours of sleep. I never sleep well in hotels and besides, I was about to see New York City. I’ve only looked forward to this day since I was practically an infant. So I showered (loudly), dried my hair (more loudly- wake up people!) and put on my new sundress (could not figure out how to do that loudly although it was a little tight and a groan or two may have slipped out). Finally we were all up and ready to go. We ate breakfast and delicious chocolate chip muffins downstairs. Then we hopped on the bus, went through Lincoln Tunnel, and were dumped off at the Port Authority Bus Terminal. I was in THE CITY. THE ONE. It was awesome.

We walked around all touristy (I don’t care) taking pictures of everything. I (almost literally) ran into a wax figurine of Justin Timberlake and posed like a moron (don’t care, still. Plus, I think he was into it.) When we got to Time Square, Lisa told me it is not rude to ignore the people passing out flyers and those wearing character costumes, as they are simply out to make a buck. So we posed for a few pictures and this guy in a rooster costume laughs hysterically because he was photo bombing in at least three of them. He posed like Jesus on the Cross in his rooster costume and I was like, real funny, I’m still not paying you. But of course I was the polite Midwesterner I was raised to be and thanked him. I thanked him without money, which was surely disappointing but I wasn’t even completely sure what I was thanking him for. Thanks for ruining my pictures, maybe? So anyway…

We saw Rockefeller Center, Saks Fifth Avenue, Radio City Music Hall, and tons of other cool things they have crowded together in that area. Then we took the subway to China Town. I, being an odd mix of naive and self-righteous, was carrying my iPad on the subway. It was crowded and my husband had this weird look on his face and kept glancing at what he seemed to think was a shady character (I had been waiting for this moment) standing suspiciously close to me. When we got off the subway, I was like “what was the problem?” because I thought the guy was maybe checking out my lumps or something. Turns out, he was checking out my iPad. Bummer.

Then we went to Wo Hop! It’s a Chinese restaurant in a basement in China Town. I had the best lemon chicken ever. And egg rolls. Then we visited all of the Flight of the Conchords sites in the area. I sat on Bret and Jemaine’s stoop. I lurked in Mr. Lee’s stairwell. I saw the New Zealand consulate and Dave’s shop. It was magical. I was also getting hot because it was 90 degrees in New York City that day. I popped a few Excedrine migraines and hot-footed it to Starbucks for a Lime tea. Delicious. Also very crowded.

We walked past Yoko’s house and then to Central Park. It was beautiful. It was also hot and I was tired so we parted ways with Lisa ( who had to take care of a few things at home) and went back to the hotel for a rest. Unfortunately, I couldn’t rest but I showered again and cooled off and got ready to meet Lisa for dinner. During the bumpy bus ride back into the city, I got sicker and sicker. We walked to Hell’s Kitchen and everything I saw made me feel ill. It was also still hot and humid. There was a guy with no legs on a scooter who somehow managed to be on a corner behind us, and then reappeared on a corner ahead of us without passing us. It was messed up. I thought maybe I was hallucinating. And it was trash day, so there was trash everywhere. I could smell the entire world and its trash that night.

We went to a diner and I sat like a wet blanket while the others ate. I mentally calculated the steps it would take to get back to the hotel and whether or not I would survive. Lisa got a bag of ice from the diner owner and I held onto it just in case I needed a sick bag for the bus ride back. Luckily I didn’t..
I just made it to the hotel bathroom and then went to bed.

And that is the entirety of my NYC nightlife. It’s probably a good thing I don’t get invited to parties with JT. Some day I will tell the story of my Las Vegas trip when I was so overwhelmed I had to take a nap. But that’s a fascinating story for another time.





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